You Know
You're Getting Old When.....

I know that getting old is a serious matter, but we have gathered together a whole gaggle of "you know you're getting old when...." jokes, comments & great one liners overheard in bars, on the streets, television & over the internet.

We hope you have as much fun sharing them with us, as we had collecting them for you!

getting old jokes,hilarious short quotes,funny life quotes,getting old sucks,clean old age jokes

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If you have particular "Getting Old" favorites of your own, we would love to hear from you & share them with our other visitors, please just click the link.

"You Know
You're Getting Old When....."

* The little old gray haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
* Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
* A fortune teller offers to read your face.
* Everything hurts; and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
* Your back goes out more than you do.

* You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
* You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
* Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
* Your children begin to look middle aged.
* Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

* You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
* It takes twice as long to look half as good.
* You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
* Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
* You and your teeth don't sleep together.

* Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
* You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.
* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
* You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

* You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
* Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
* Your ears are hairier than your head.
* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
* You shop for health insurance the way you once shopped for a new car.

* Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
* You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 106 around the golf course.
* You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
* You can live without sex but not without your glasses.
* You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.

For Good Measure - here's a few famous quotes, quips & witty repostes all about getting old!:

Mark Twain - "wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been".

Ralph Waldo Emerson - "the age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles!".

Richard Needham - "for the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do; for the second half, they tell you what you should have done!".

Sinclair Lewis - "whatever poet, orator or sage may say of it, old age is still old age!".

Henry David Thoreau - "none are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm".

Andrew Carnegie - "as I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do".

Maurice Chevalier - "old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative".

Tom Wilson - "wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age,sometimes age just shows up all by itself".

Dorothy Fulheim - "youth is a disease from which we all recover".

Joan Collins - "the problem with beauty is that it's like being born rich and getting poorer!".

Leon Trotsky - "old age is the most unexpected of all the things that happen to a man".

Diana Cooper - "age is an ugly thing, and it goes on getting worse".

Harold Coffin - "middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with you!".

Mark Twain - "consider well the proportion of things. It is better to be a young June bug, than an old bird of paradise!".

Marty Bucella - "when it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day".

Josh Billings - "in youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us".

Bob Bowen - "we are only young once. That is all society can stand!".

Helen Rowland - "the follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity".

Bob Hope - "you know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake!".

Brigitte Bardot - "it is sad to grow old but nice to ripen!".

Mark Twain - "the first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity".

Arnold Glasow - "find an aim in life before you run out of ammunition!".

Malcolm Forbes - "by the time we've made it, we've had it!".

Elizabeth Barrett Brownin - "a woman's always younger than a man of equal years".

Truman Capote - "life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act".

Bette Davis - "old age is no place for sissies!".

Tom Stoppard - "age is a very high price to pay for maturity".

Mark Twain - "age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!".

Don Marquis - "age is not a particularly interesting subject, anyone can get old!".

George Burns - "you can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old!".

Ralph Waldo Emerson - "all diseases run into one - old age!".

Aristotle - "bashfulness is an ornament to youth, but a reproach to old age".

Victor Hugo - "forty is the old age of youth, fifty the youth of old age!".

Gene Fowler - "he has a profound respect for old age, especially when it's bottled!".

Lucille Ball - "the secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age!".

Bob Hope - "I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for a nap!".

Pope Paul VI - "in youth the days are short and the years are long. In old age the years are short and day's long!".

Jules Feiffer - "maturity is only a short break in adolescence!".

Bob Hope - "middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle!".

Holbrook Jackson - "no man is ever old enough to know better!".

Golda Meir - "old age is like a plane flying through a storm, once you're aboard, there's nothing you can do about it!".

Calista Flockhart - "so people think I'm lying about my age all the time? It's the records that are wrong!".

Logan Pearsall Smith - "the denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of old age!".

John Glenn - "there is still no cure for the common birthday".

J.B.Priestley - "we pay when old for the excesses of youth!".

Bill Cosby - "when you become senile, you won't know it".

George Bernard Shaw - "youth is such a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children!".

Let Ronald Reagan Have The Final Word!

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We hope that you have enjoyed our look at how "getting old" is humorised across various media.

Do you have favorite quotes or quips of your own?, we would love to hear from you & will publish the very best ones along with our own.

Quotes & Quips by Other Visitors

Click below to see what other visitors have added:

you know you are old when: Not rated yet
You know you are old when you have to get a burn permit from the fire dept just to light your candles....

just starting Not rated yet
The older you get the more hair you get in places you don't want it and the less in places that you do.

You know you're getting old when... Not rated yet
You know you're getting old when...ahh...sorry, what was the question?

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